The Perfect Balance Read online

  “Yes, I am. It’s nice to meet you.”

  “You too. I checked the desk and it looks like we’ll be working together most of today. You’re the scrub nurse and I’ll be on circulation.

  “Did they show you how to read the schedule? I heard you worked at Northwestern before moving here, so it’s not as if you don’t know the ropes, but sometimes it varies from hospital to hospital.” Jenna took Miranda’s hand.

  Miranda jerked away and took a step back. Jenna frowned for a second, but then pointed to the door to the lounge.

  “Let’s go to the charge desk, and I’ll show you the screen.”

  “Jenna I’m—”

  “No worries. I know I can be a little much for some people.”

  “No, no. Um…it’s not that…well I guess maybe a little, but really I get a little jumpy when someone grabs me.” Miranda looked at the ground and whispered, “Sorry.”

  Miranda felt Jenna’s stare and that of everyone else in the room. She hated being the centre of attention, and it seemed as though everything she did that morning somehow brought her into focus to everyone in the hospital. How many times had she wished she could simply push a button and a magical force field would surround her and cloak her presence from the rest of humanity?

  They left the lounge in silence, and Miranda followed Jenna to the desk. The coffee in her stomach churned from the anxiety boiling in her gut.

  Jenna pointed at the screen. “So today we have a total knee replacement with Dr. Martin, a tonsil and adenoidectomy with Dr. Krieghauser, a tumour removal with Dr. Fischer and last but not least a double breast reconstruction with Dr. Pruitte.”

  “Sounds as if we have a full day ahead of ourselves,” Miranda said.

  Jenna nodded. “Lots of variety too. You picked a good day to start.”

  Jenna and Miranda headed for the operating room that had been assigned for the first case. Both women gloved up and entered the theatre to begin the first scrub for the day. Despite twelve years of experience, the almost arctic air in the room made her shiver as the measly scrubs didn’t really provide much in the way of warmth. Miranda and Jenna quickly prepared the room for surgery. They damp dusted the overhead lights, mayo stand and back table then worked their way to the outer edges of the room. She grabbed the sheets to make the OR bed, folding them perfectly with no wrinkles or kinks just the way she liked them, while Jenna switched on and tested the various pieces of equipment. When Jenna flipped the switch on the overhead lamps, Miranda hadn't been prepared and was blinded for a moment. She rolled her eyes at herself. You'd think this was her first time or something.

  A scrub technician came in with the instruments, and he and Miranda began to open the sterile field. Miranda watched as Jenna did a count of the sponges, sharps and instruments. It didn’t take long and soon the room was ready for the doctor and patient who’d been in the preparation area for the last thirty minutes. Jenna left to go get the necessary paperwork and talk to the patient.

  Another nurse came in, one Miranda hadn’t met yet, and started get the equipment ready that was used for anesthesia. A pair of bright, golden brown eyes looked up and caught Miranda’s stare.

  “Hi, I’m Calleigh Wells. I’m the nurse anesthetist on this case.”

  The soft voice was slightly muffled by her mask, but Miranda had no difficulty understanding her since she’d earned her OR ears years ago.

  Miranda held out her gloved hand. “I’m Miranda Green. Scrub nurse and newbie to the hospital.”

  “Is this your first case with Dr. Martin?”

  “Yes. I met him during my orientation period, but haven’t worked with him yet. How is he?”

  Calleigh tapped the touch screen of the anesthesia machine. “He’s actually one of the good ones. Likes to keep the room relaxed and always chooses good music. He expects the best, but he won’t ream you out if something doesn’t flow perfectly. I need to go check the patient, then we’ll get this show on the road.”

  Miranda waited quietly for Jenna and Calleigh to wheel the patient back. The ten minute rest gave her a chance to rapid charge her batteries and get mentally psyched up for the next several hours. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. There was a loud clunk as the gurney was pushed through the swinging doors. Miranda stood and things quickly got down to business. Jenna got the patient positioned on the table, placing the foam for the arms and feet, attaching the sequentials to the legs and making sure the safety strap was on.

  Miranda took her place beside the patient. The doctor came in and said a few words to the patient before he left to scrub. The scrub tech helped Miranda don her isolation gown and a fresh pair of gloves. Dr. Martin returned and said a few words about which sizers he wanted to use. Calleigh induced the man to rest. Then a couple of minutes later when she was happy with her readouts, she nodded. Jenna called the time out to be entered in the log, and the doctor started the procedure.

  Miranda slid into what she referred to as her surgical persona and throughout the procedure felt as though she did a respectable job. It was by no means her first knee replacement, but working with new players was always a little nerve wrecking at first. At one point in the surgery the patient started to bleed heavily and Miranda was able to identify the bleeder quickly much to the surgeon’s appreciation. A medical student who was assisting the doctor cauterise the leak.

  After placing the implants into the patient’s leg, the doctor verified the full flexion, extension, and ligament balance. Miranda cleaned the bone with saline and applied cement to the joint replacement components. The medical student closed the incision while the doctor looked on. Jenna was off to the side doing the second count.

  “Nice job, Ms. Green,” said Dr. Martin. “I appreciate your help this morning. I think you’ll make a fine addition to the staff here, and look forward to working with you again.”

  “Thank you, Doctor. It was enjoyable working with you as well.”

  Miranda dressed the knee while Jenna finished her paperwork and called recovery to let them know the patient would be arriving soon. A few minutes later, Calleigh signalled that the patient was breathing on his own and ready to be transported. Miranda helped take the patient to recovery and Jenna called the turnover team. The entire procedure took about an hour and half. Now, time to send in the clean-up crew and get ready for the next case.

  Chapter Two

  Miranda sat at a corner table in the cafeteria, eating her apple. The flatbread turkey sandwich had tasted as if it were actually made from cardboard, and she’d not finished half of it. That’d teach her to buy the cheap stuff again. It was still a little bit of an adjustment to be the master of her own finances again. When Drew had taken care of everything, all Miranda had to worry about was her weekly allowance. Now she had to make sure to remember to pay all the bills and put money into savings. One of the first things she’d done after the divorce was final was go out to buy a laptop and a software programme that allowed you to set up a household budget. Her bank sent her email notices when a bill was due, and that really helped. Especially now that Miranda actually had the means to check her email on a regular basis.

  When the truth about hers and Drew’s financial status was brought to her attention by her attorney, Miranda had been in shock. It seemed that Drew made about thirty thousand less than Miranda’s annual earnings at the hospital. When her attorney had told her she’d basically been supporting them, Miranda had cried remembering all the times Drew had told her it was only by his good graces that she got as much of an allowance as she did, since it all came from his earnings.

  She’d also learned that Drew had racked up quite a bit in credit card debt, which Miranda had known nothing about, even though two of the cards had been opened in her name. She used part of her equity from the sale of their condo to pay one of the credit cards off, but still had another which would take her at least three years to pay down. Every month when she looked at that statement, she cursed Drew a little louder. Miranda had contacted the
company and explained the situation, but they informed her that since the account was in her name, and during the division of assets during the divorce that portion of the debt had been placed on her, she was responsible for the balance. Miranda’s lawyer had said they could fight, given that the card was opened without her knowledge, but there was no way to prove that without a doubt since Drew had put both their names on the account. The credit company had worked with Miranda to lower the interest rate so she could pay it down quicker, but frankly it still sucked.

  The extra money she earned by taking this job was basically sucked up by the higher cost of living on the East Coast, but Miranda was still glad she come out here. Axel was adapting to his new environment well, and they’d had fun exploring the city together over the last month.

  “Hey! Are these seats taken?”

  Miranda was dragged from her mental ramblings by the voice coming from her left side. She looked over and found both Jenna and Calleigh standing there with trays of food. Miranda shook her head, and the two sat with dual sighs of pleasure.

  “Man, my feet are killing me. Is twenty four weeks too early for them to swell?”

  Jenna shrugged. “No idea. I’ve never been preggers, but you are carrying a matched set, so logic would suggest that your symptoms would be twice that of a normal pregnancy.”

  Miranda quickly looked down at Calleigh’s stomach. There was most definitely a protrusion to her stomach that Miranda hadn’t noticed earlier. How she’d missed it Miranda wasn’t sure, because the roundness beneath Calleigh’s scrubs mimicked a half inflated beach ball. In fact, she wore maternity scrubs that flowed over her baby bump compared to the straight shooters Miranda and Jenna had on.

  “Congratulations. When are you due?”

  “September fifteenth. I’m having boys. My husband is so thrilled, but unfortunately he’s going to miss their birth.”

  “Why is that?”

  “He’s on deployment in Iraq. He’ll be home early next year.”

  Miranda couldn’t imagine being left home alone and pregnant while your husband risked his life on the other side of the world. Was it possible Calleigh ever got scared at the prospect of going through the process alone? Miranda didn’t think she could do it, but then again the likelihood of her ever having children was slim. While being married to Drew hadn’t been ideal, and the thought of having his children had scared her, the concept of being a mother was always something she’d envisioned as part of her life. Now Miranda was thirty-four, alone, and quite frankly scared of putting out her for sale sign in the dating market.

  “Calleigh, are you on Dr. Pruitte’s case this afternoon?”

  “Yep.” She sighed. “That man is…he’s so…”

  “Fuckable?”

  Miranda’s eyes went wide and she looked around at the other tables to see if anyone nearby had overhead Jenna’s comment.

  “Jenna!”

  “What? He is. You can’t tell me that if you weren’t married to the world’s most perfect man, you wouldn’t want a slice of that heaven.”

  “Kevin is not perfect, believe me. And as to having a slice, haven’t you ever heard of the perils of eating a bite of forbidden fruit?”

  Jenna smiled as she took a sip of her fruit juice. “I like to live dangerously. What about you, Miranda? Are you married?”

  Once again the spotlight had swung her way, and Miranda squirmed in her seat. “No.”

  “Are you looking? We have some fantastic looking guys here.”

  Miranda actually shuddered with Jenna’s description. She couldn’t help it, whenever she thought of good looking men, her mind flooded with images of Drew’s angelic face contorted in rage as he screamed obscenities at her.

  “Miranda?” Calleigh asked, softly. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, fine. Sorry. Um…no, I’m not looking.”

  Miranda peaked through her lashes and saw Jenna watching her with an expression of concentration. She didn’t know what it was. It was almost as if Jenna were studying her, which made Miranda want to jump out of her chair and run, but that would only bring more attention to herself. So she studied the cracked lines of the laminate on the table and waited for either Jenna or Calleigh to start their conversation again.

  “Jenna, you don’t have plans to try and land Dr. Pruitte, do you?”

  Jenna leant back in her chair and looked at Calleigh. “No. He’s hot and everything, but I heard through the rumour mill that he’s actually involved with someone. One person said that he and Dr. Burns are getting it on, but then a nurse up in intensive care said that she and Dr. Pruitte dated for a couple of months.” She shrugged. “Who knows what to believe around here?”

  Calleigh was quiet for a moment and Miranda saw her brown eyes dance mischievously. “He could be bisexual. That would seriously hot!”

  Miranda quickly looked over at Jenna who in turned stared at Miranda, then they both swung their heads in Calleigh’s direction, mouths agape.

  “What? It’s the hormones. I swear.”

  Jenna smiled, widely. “Beneath that sweet and innocent exterior lies a kinky little minx. Damn girl, wish I’d known that before. I’ve been keeping my exploits rated PG-13 in deference to your delicate sensibilities.”

  Calleigh laughed and tossed her wadded up napkin at Jenna. “You never asked. I have stories from Kevin’s and my years at Boston College that would probably send you into cardiac arrest.”

  Miranda knew she was blushing. Her experience with men was nowhere near what these two women were talking about. Having only had one sex partner in her lifetime, she felt that much more inadequate. She had no sexy stories to share, no tales of decedent excess filled with midnight orgies and sipping champagne from body parts. Her mind flashed back to that threesome in Chicago the night of the club fire. Seeing those two men kiss at their wife’s bedside had stirred something inside Miranda.

  What would it be like? How it would feel to be surrounded by two men who not only loved you, but loved each other? There had to be love in Miranda’s imagination. She could never envision herself having sex simply for the sake of sex. Despite all the rumours, she didn’t think the act itself would ever be good enough to take part in without caring for your partner. Wasn’t that the whole point of having sex? Besides the whole procreation thing, you wanted to share intimacy with a loved one. Sex for sex’s sake didn’t make much sense to her.

  She looked at the clock on the wall and noticed her lunch break was over, so with a quiet goodbye she gathered up her trash and headed back to the OR floor. Miranda pushed open the doors and walked over to the desk to check for any changes to the afternoon schedule. There was a doctor standing at the computer, looking at something on the screen. Miranda didn’t want to bother him, so she went to the sink to wash her hands.

  “Excuse me?”

  Miranda turned and found the doctor looking at her. “Yes?”

  “Do you know who’s working Dr. Fischer’s gastrectomy this afternoon?”

  “I’m the scrub nurse. Is there something you need?”

  The doctor pointed at the screen and his white coat moved enough that Miranda caught a glimpse of his name. It was Burns. Was this the same person Jenna and Calleigh had been talking about? Although it was possible that there was another Dr. Burns in the hospital, but they had said Dr. Pruitte and Dr. Burns were supposedly involved, and this was a man standing in front of her. A very attractive man, at that.

  “I have the patient’s most recent PET scan results, and there’s something he needs to see before the surgery.”

  Miranda pointed at the computer. “May I?”

  Dr. Burns nodded and Miranda stepped up to the computer. She pulled up the programme that called up the status of all the patients on the docket for the afternoon. “The patient is already in prep. Let me see if I can track down Dr. Fischer.” Miranda looked at the list taped to the back of the desk beneath the counter. She punched in Dr. Fischer’s number into the pager system. When it started ringing, she hand
ed the phone over to Dr. Burns.

  While Dr. Burns talked to his colleague, Miranda took the opportunity to examine the specimen in greater detail. Probably somewhere around six feet tall, with dark brown hair with light blue eyes that reminded her of Hugh Laurie from that show House. Arresting combination actually. The man’s physique ran towards long and lean, but Miranda sensed an underlying strength was hidden beneath the stylish button down shirt and tailored slacks. Her glance moved up and she found those blue eyes watching her. Miranda quickly turned her back and moved away.

  “You’re new, aren’t you?”

  Miranda nodded. “I started my orientation last month. Today’s my first independent shift.”

  “Would you look at me, please?”

  Miranda did so, reluctantly. She knew to ignore the request would be extremely unprofessional, but it didn’t stop the embarrassment from being caught looking at the man a moment ago flooding through her.

  “That’s better, thank you. You’re not new to nursing though. You seem too confident.”

  “No, I moved here from Chicago. I worked at Northwestern for twelve years.”

  “I’m Dr. Victor Burns, radiology.” He held out his hand.

  She slipped her hand into his. It was warm and that warmth spread up Miranda’s arm. “Miranda Green.”

  She found herself staring into Dr. Burns’ eyes once again. It was with a mental slap that she realised what she was doing and began to panic. She would not go down that road again, would not be sucked in by a man’s presence only to learn too late it was all a lie. A painful, humiliating, soul crushing lie.

  Miranda jerked her hand away from Dr. Burns’. “I’m sorry. I have to get ready for the next case.”

  She took off down the hallway where the ladies’ room was located. She locked herself in a stall and leant her forehead against the door, breathing erratically.

  “Are you okay?”

  She groaned at the sound of Calleigh’s voice? God, why couldn’t she have one moment today where she didn’t make a fool of herself in front of her new co-workers?