The Perfect Balance Read online

  “Hey, whoever’s in there? Is everything all right? Do you need me to get help?”

  “No, I’m fine. Please. I’m fine.”

  “Miranda? Is that you?”

  She nodded but then realised that Calleigh wouldn’t be able to see her behind the closed door. “Yes,” she said softly.

  “Will you open the door?”

  Miranda wiped at her cheeks, satisfied at least to find that she hadn’t started crying. She slowly pulled back the latch to the stall then pulled the metal shielding back, exposing herself to the world.

  “What happened? You sounded terrified when you came barging in here.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realise there was anyone in here.”

  Calleigh laughed softly and rubbed her protruding stomach. “Ever since these two have taken up residence, the ladies’ room has become my favourite hangout. At first it was because I was puking for the first three months, now I swear I have to pee every half hour.”

  “I bet that makes those long surgeries difficult,” Miranda said smiling.

  Calleigh rolled her eyes. “You have no idea. So you’re good?”

  “Yeah. I had a mini panic attack, but it’s nothing to do with work. I’m fine.”

  “Hmm. Something to do with why you’re single and not looking?”

  Miranda didn’t respond. She went over to the sink and washed her hands, looking for any excuse to escape those too-knowing golden eyes.

  “I know we just met and all, but with Kevin gone I can get kinda lonely, so if you ever want to grab a bite or hang out or something that’d be fun.”

  Miranda knew what Calleigh was trying to do. The offer to talk was nice, but she didn’t think letting someone at work know just how stupid she’d been with Drew was in her best interest for professional growth.

  “Okay, well…I’ll see you in there.”

  Miranda leant against the counter top and stared into the mirror for a moment. “Calleigh?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I appreciate the offer, and…maybe.”

  Calleigh smiled and Miranda really wished she had the guts to take a chance on making a new friend. A real friend, like she’d had before her life with Drew. She told herself she was going to live each day in thanks for her new beginning, but she didn’t realise at the time how hard that would be. She had to choose whether to accept the hand being held out for her, or fall back into the abyss of isolation. She guessed what they said about the first step being the hardest was true after all. Then again, she’d taken that step the morning she’d called the lawyer. So, then why was this so hard?

  * * * *

  Vic dropped down onto the sofa in his apartment. Closing his eyes, he leant his head back and loosened his tie. It’d had been a long day. He’d had a young woman who came in for her eighth treatment of whole brain irradiation. She’d been diagnosed with neurofibromatosis II on her twenty-sixth birthday. The vicious genetic disease that riddled a person’s body with multiple tumours in the brain and on the spine was one of the worst things he encountered as a nuclear radiologist. The latest PET scan had showed a reduction since the beginning of treatment, but the bright eyed, happy young woman who’d showed up in his office full of positive thoughts and courage had been replaced with a wan ghost of her former self. Her beautiful blonde hair was a thing of the past, and in addition to the terrible bouts of nausea and vomiting, she’d lost forty percent of her hearing. He’d been on the phone consulting with her oncologist for half an hour, discussing the use of stereotactic radiosurgery to address the new lesion which had showed up in her spine with the latest scan.

  It was cases such as these that left him feeling strung out at the end of the day. Sometimes Vic was able to identify diseases early enough that the patients were able to have treatment and go on to live full and happy lives. And sometimes he felt as though he felt as though he was as effective as trying to slap a band-aid on a slice to someone’s carotid artery. While he loved his job there were times when he wished he hadn’t chosen to specialise. He could imagine worse things than reviewing films of broken bones or scans of nameless emergency room patrons.

  He opened his eyes and heaved himself off the sofa. He needed to change and grab a bite to eat. Maybe a shower to help slough off the remnants of the hospital would help. Then he’d spend the night vegetating in front of the television. Was there anything good on? It’d been so long since he watched a show with regularity that Vic had no idea what shows were even on the air anymore.

  He stepped into the bedroom of his Charlestown condo and heard the water running. Vic leant to his right to look through the opening into the bathroom. From this angle he could see straight to the shower. He smiled and leant back against the wall to enjoy the show. The fog free glass door allowed Vic an unobstructed view of a vision that would tantalise anyone’s senses, and he got to not only look, but touch and taste the skin of the occupant whose dusky flesh was slick with moisture raining down from the ceiling mounted shower head.

  Vic removed his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to join the occupant, and share a hot round of shower sex or wait patiently, spread out on the bed in offering. The occupant’s hands ran down their wet body, soap trails left in their wake. Vic licked his lips, thinking about tasting the throat exposed to his view. It was always a heady mixture of flavours.

  Vic undid his belt and released the closures of his slacks. The garment dropped to the floor with a thud. Vic knew he should pick them up to hang back in the closet, but couldn’t find the willpower to look away from view before him. He toed off his shoes and socks then took a couple of steps forward, moving slowly so not to bring attention to his presence. He stood there in his boxer briefs and shirt, which hung open. Vic’s cock was hard, and he pressed his hand over the mound, stifling the groan that threatened to escape.

  The water shut off and the glass door opened. The occupant stepped out, back towards Vic’s bedroom. Vic got a perfect view of the high, tight ass he loved to grab. Vic traced his eyes up the spine. Straight, healthy and strong. He frowned as one of his navy blue towels covered part of the body he’d been ogling. Another towel floated through the air to land on top of his lover’s head, covering their face which was now in profile.

  Vic found himself walking closer. He’d reached the doorway when the towel over the head was dragged away and a pair of bright sky blue eyes met his.

  “Hey love! When did you get home?”

  Vic didn’t answer. He closed the distance between him and his lover. His arms wrapped themselves around the strong neck and tugged the wet strands at the back of Chase’s head till their lips came together. Vic put all his thanks for their shared past and hopes for their future into meshing of their mouths. If love and passion had actual flavours, Vic imagined it would be what he tasted in Chase’s mouth.

  Chase’s arms came around him and their bodies pressed tightly together. Chase’s chest was warm and wet from the shower, Vic’s nipples hardened between the edges of his shirt. Their heights were almost an exact match, so their groins pressed together. The towel around his waist fell to the floor, and Vic’s hand slid down that strong spine he’d been admiring to grasp the ass he loved in his palms.

  Chase moaned into their kiss and pulled Vic’s shirt away from his shoulders. Vic reluctantly let go of Chase’s butt to get the sleeves off his arms. Chase pushed at the waist of Vic’s underwear, and he shimmied enough to let the last barrier fall from his body. As soon as he was free, Vic pushed back against Chase’s body. Firm muscle and hot skin touched him from head to toe, relaxing away the last of the day’s stress.

  They clung to each other, one hard cock pressed against the other. Vic wanted Chase inside him, that link to his lover. Needed to feel their bodies connected, their hearts beat against one another through the walls of their chests. He had to reaffirm they were both alive, together. Vic loved to stare into Chase’s blue eyes, the blue darker than his own, but the emotions swimming in their depths
a reflection of the ones buried deep inside him.

  Chapter Three

  Chase guided Vic backwards towards his bed, the path they’d crossed many times familiar enough that neither needed to look where they were going. The back of Vic’s legs hit the mattress. He sat and scooted across the mattress, Chase’s body coming over the top of him, refusing to release their connection. Vic’s head hit the pillow, and he arched his head back, exposing his throat to Chase whose firm lips kissed a fiery path down the tendons. When they landed on Vic’s throbbing carotid, Chase nibbled on the pulsating artery. Vic’s fingers dug into Chase’s broad shoulders. His legs opened and he moaned as Chase’s hips rocked against his own.

  “Need you. Please. Make me feel, make me forget.”

  Chase reached into the bedside drawer and pulled out the bottle of lube. “You have me, love. Always and forever.”

  Vic nodded. He and Chase were both bisexual and from time to time they did bring a woman into their bed. However, none lasted. None became more than a passing fancy. Vic enjoyed the softness of a woman. He loved their delicate scents and plush bodies, but his heart belonged to Chase.

  The man who currently was spreading cool gel around his opening. The man whose finger slid deep inside him. Vic wanted a harder touch. He needed to feel consumed.

  “More,” he demanded.

  Chase added a second finger, the stretch and burn absolute bliss to Vic’s senses. Chase wasn’t a small guy and it had been a few weeks since Vic bottomed, so as much as he wanted to tell Chase to get the show on the road, he knew that too much too fast would push him over the blurring line between pleasurable ache and real pain.

  Chase’s lips attached themselves to one of Vic’s nipples. His cried out at the sharp sting from Chase’s teeth on the sensitive protrusion. Chase repeated the treatment to the other side, and it was Vic’s breaking point. He flipped their bodies over and straddled Chase’s legs. Vic grabbed the condom that Chase had placed on the mattress. He tore the foil packet open and smoothed the polyurethane barrier down Chase’s cock. The latex-free material was crucial for Vic’s allergy. He moved forward and rose up on his knees. Vic reached behind him and stabilised Chase’s cock as he pushed downward. Chase’s hands held Vic’s hips and after the head popped through the ring to Vic’s channel he paused. Vic looked down at Chase and saw the slight nod. He braced his hands on Chase’s pectorals and in one swift downward movement took Chase’s entire length within his body. Their moans mingled in the air as Vic’s fingers dug into the resilient skin of his lover’s chest.

  Vic set a quick pace. Chase’s possession filled the gaping spots in his worn-out psyche from the hellacious day. Chase braced his feet on the covers and thrust up in counter to every one of Vic’s downward stokes. Vic adjusted the tilt of his hips and cried out when Chase’s cock came in contact with his prostate. He became a man possessed with finding that spark over and over. His heart raced, his lungs and legs burned. Endorphins flooded his bloodstream as no workout could. Sweat dripped from his body onto Chase’s chest.

  He climbed higher, Chase’s moans telling Vic that his lover was right there with him. Their pleasure built upon each other, their desire fed off the other’s responses. It was symbiotic, it was perfect.

  “Now!” he screamed.

  Chase’s hand wrapped around Vic’s cock, and he bellowed out as cum spouted from his slit. He shot so hard it was almost painful and his orgasm kept coming. Wave after wave tumbled over him and Vic held on, clinging to Chase’s body and seeking out his cry of pleasure to know that they’d reached the summit together. Chase lifted Vic’s lean hips up and thrust up rapidly over and over. Seconds later Vic heard the cry that was music to his ears. He felt Chase’s cock pulse inside him, and knew his lover had found the ecstasy of release.

  Vic collapsed over Chase’s chest. Large hands calmed the skin of Vic’s back as he peppered kisses along Chase’s jaw line.

  “Love you,” he whispered.

  Chase rolled them over onto their sides. He removed the condom then Vic rolled back into Chase’s arms. Chase’s chest spooned against Vic’s back. Their hands latched together as the echoes of the storm that had consumed their bodies faded away.

  Chase kissed the back of Vic’s neck. “Love you too. Not that I’m complaining, mind you, but what brought this on?”

  “Saw my NF2 patient today. She’s not doing well. I came home expecting to maybe get a bite to eat and stare mindlessly at the television, but when I saw you in the shower something hit me with the gale force of a Nor’easter. I wanted to feel alive.”

  Chase’s arm tightened around Vic. “Then I’m very glad I decided to come by. I almost went home myself. My last surgery went longer than I expected.”

  “Everything go okay?”

  “Yeah. It was a double reconstruction, and she had some fluid collection issues but it all resolved. I think she’s going to be very happy with the outcome. There was a new scrub nurse. I think she recently joined the staff, but seemed competent. Hell, she was actually really great, kept a cool head unlike that twit I had to work with last week. I know everyone has to start somewhere, but does it always have to be in my operating room?”

  Vic chuckled softly. He’d heard all about Chase’s experience with the nurse fresh into her fellowship programme. “I may have run into your nurse myself. I was down in the OR with the latest scans for one of Fischer’s patients. She seemed nice enough, but a little jumpy.”

  Chase rose up and braced his head on his palm. He tugged Vic over onto his back. “Really? I thought that was just me. I actually literally ran into her early this morning.”

  Vic arched an eyebrow and wiggled around so he was more comfortable.

  “I came around a corner and smack, we collided. When I tried to steady her she froze, and I swear I saw her cringe as though I was about to hit her or something.”

  “I wonder if there’s a story there. She said she moved here from Chicago. Bad relationship maybe?”

  Vic saw Chase’s frown and smoothed the lines from his lover’s forehead. “I know that look.”

  “I’ve never understood why some spouses feel it’s okay to abuse their partners. Men, women, gay, straight. I’ve seen the aftermath too many times to count. Thousands of sutures over the years putting their bodies back together, but their hearts and heads never heal as easily.”

  “That’s one of the reasons why I love you. Your patients are more than body parts, you really consider the whole person and what your actions and how you treat them will affect their lives. We can’t fix everything, babe. If we put that kind of pressure on ourselves, it’ll lead to nowhere except a mental meltdown. That or an endless sea of empty bottles.”

  Chase leant down and kissed Vic. “Look who’s talking.”

  “Sometimes, maybe. I enjoy nuclear medicine but it can be tough, especially when I’m dealing with cases like today. It helps to mix it up with my other duties as an attendee.”

  Chase squeezed Vic then rolled off the bed. He walked over to Vic’s dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts and T-shirt. They’d started keeping changes of clothes at each other’s condos years ago. Vic often wondered why they’d never officially moved into together. It wasn’t as if they were unsure of their relationship, and when either of them felt like company of the female persuasion it was simply a matter of informing the other. Two men over the age of thirty-five living together wouldn’t exactly draw an eye in a large city such as Boston. Vic knew that rumours about him and Chase floated around the hospital, but they were discreet about their relationship, and it had never been a problem.

  “Move in with me,” he blurted out.

  Chase froze with the T-shirt half way over his head. “What?”

  Vic chuckled at the sight of Chase’s arms bent at awkward angles over his head. The dark blond head popped through the neck opening and Chase’s wide eyes met his. “I’m serious. Why have we never moved in together?”

  Chase sat on the bed beside Vic’s legs. �
��You never asked, for one.”

  “Neither have you.”

  “Things are good. We love each other. We share our lives to the extent that we want.”

  “The extent that we want? We’ve been sleeping with each other more often than not for twelve years. Committed since we finished our respective residencies and took our positions at Mass General three years ago.” Vic was a little hurt. Here, he’d thought his and Chase’s relationship was good, solid. Did Chase’s comment mean that he wasn’t as happy with Vic as Vic was with him? Had Vic’s presence become a convenience for Chase?

  Chase leant over Vic and kissed his lips softly. “Hey. I know that look. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. Never doubt that I’m happy with you. I love you, Vic. No man has ever given me as much or made me feel as happy as I do when I’m with you.”

  Vic relaxed a little bit. “I hear a ‘but’ in there somewhere.”

  “Not a ‘but’ exactly.”

  “Is it the woman thing? You know I’d never begrudge you those desires. Hell, I have them myself. We bring women home when we want to. You’ve dated women outside of us, and I’ve done the same on occasion. As long as there’s honesty about it, why would that pose a problem?”

  “But can you see how that would continue to work, if we lived together? Say one of us went out on a date. Wouldn’t it be a little awkward to come home and find me necking on our couch with a stranger? What about sex? Do we hang a sock on the door knob? What if she’s not into threesomes? Or one of us isn’t attracted to her as much as the other?”

  Vic sat up and pulled the comforter over the lower half of his body. He felt too vulnerable lying there naked still replete from his and Chase’s loving. “All good points. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  Chase cupped Vic’s cheek. “You were thinking that what we have is special and right and you want to make it permanent. There’s nothing wrong with that, and you’re right to an extent but can you honestly tell me that you’d never crave the feel of a woman beneath you, or her soft hands on your body ever again? Because if we did this? Really committed to spending our lives together, all of our lives? That’s what it would mean. The scenarios I described earlier would only lead to anger, pain and resentment. I won’t do that to us. I can’t. I need you, just as much as you need me.”